Think Happy Thoughts
Look on the Bright Side
Find the silver lining
Positivity is a choice, and positivity is important but let's be clear. Positivity doesn't mean ignoring reality and let's face it, sometimes stuff just sucks.
I saw this image on social media the other day and it really hit home. Sometimes you have to wade through the mud to get to the beach, but you know the beach is coming.
A friend of mine just left a 23-year marriage that was dysfunctional for many years. They're terrified, and going through a lot of scary things right now. (finding their own place to live, moving arrangements, bank accounts, divorce proceedings, watching Wheel of Fortune alone, missing the dogs) and thinking about all the scary unknowns in the future (dating, online dating, dating at 45, missing the dogs and dating...and maybe some other stuff). Sure they can see an obvious silver lining, and tell themselves it's going to be ok, but they're still going to bed in a dark lonely house each evening, and that's sad and scary and looking on the bright side doesn’t always help.
When we think happy thoughts, and look on the bright side, we expect that we should immediately feel better. *tossing glitter* But it doesn’t work like that. When we have that expectation and it doesn’t happen, then the shame and disappointment joins the fear and discomfort, because we feel like we’re not doing it right, and that doesn’t help even more, and we still swimming in a bucket of negative emotions, even though we know it’s for the better. Isn't it?
What helps is saying, “This is hard. I’m scared and I feel lonely. I have people to support me, I have the survival skills to get through this (or other relevant helpful coping stuff). This will get better, AND…this is hard right now!” and then either cry, eat a bowl (box) of chocolate frosted sugar bombs, or call a friend to talk and go axe throwing (or all 3!).
Or maybe this is a time to get some real help! The beauty of facing the reality of a difficult situation is that it opens up the possibility that you may need a little more than Taco Tuesday with Lauren the Listener... There are tons of resources out there that can help you through a tough time. My friend Julian uses Better Help...an online counseling resource. You can pet your cat AND get counseling at the same time. (because cats do NOT like office visits. Or baths.)
So admit the challenge. Admit the reality. Yes, look on the bright side but allow the ‘ow’ for a minute and ask for help if you need it. Eventually you’re going to put on those big kid pants and march through the mire, but if you take that minute to admit the challenge, it frees up a whole lot of emotional energy for the wading, and it hastens the arrival of that better day!
The only way out is through…then, DANCE!
Feel it Tiger. You’ll be ok!!
