"WHAT A JERK!"
I was doing a presentation for 88 people with a large international organization! There were people from India, Ireland, Poland, Romania, England and Taiwan. (One of the things I love about virtual presentations.) We had been talking about Emotional Intelligence for the past 50 minutes, and I announced we were going to take a break.
“We have a lot of time zones at play in here, so I’ll just say we’ll resume the workshop at the top of the hour. Have a great break.”
Before I got up to refill my coffee, I peeked at the chat and saw a comment.
“Top of the Hour is a dangerous thing to say to an international audience.”
'Dangerous? Oh sweet potatoes of heaven, what international incident am I inciting now?' I’m always worried about stepping in it and saying something innocent yet completely inappropriate or offensive in another culture, and here it seems I’d done that.
I sat back down and waited for another message, and it popped up.
“India is GMT + 5:30. They’re not coming back at the top of the hour.”
Well I sure felt like an idiot. I genuinely thought all countries were on the hour with Greenwich Mean Time. I always try to be inclusive of everyone on the call and I messed it up.
'And what a jerk. They could have private chatted me. Way to call me out in from of the whole audience. They could have said it in a nicer way. Sheesh. Dangerous? Come on now you drama…'
And the negative talk continued. I assumed this was a blow-hard know it all who was trying to show how smart they were. I assumed they felt superior and powerful in making me feel inferior. I thought bad things about them and wished a bad hair day on them.
Then another message popped into the chat.
“I did the same thing just the other day. Who knew everyone wasn’t on the GMT hour? Ha ha.”
Oops. Maybe they weren’t a jerk after all.
Assuming positive intent is something I talk about a lot, and forgot to put into play here. Frankly, I was glad to learn this fun little factoid, but instead of being grateful for the lesson, I let my embarrassment flip me right to offense and taking it personally. Had I just assumed they were trying to help me, and not jumped to the conclusion that they were an evil sea monster on the call for the soul purpose of ruining my day, I would have saved myself some stress and frustration.
Fortunately I didn't snap back or say/do anything I would regret, but had that last message not come through when before the break ended, I may have let my anger color my presentation. (and it was an Emotional Intelligence presentation to boot! Nice Anne.)
So next time you get angry, frustrated, offended or upset by something someone does or says, assume positive intent.
When you jump to a negative conclusion, ask yourself “what other explanation could there be?” and give them the benefit of the doubt.
After all, don’t you usually have good intentions?
