When I say that to people, they’re like “I thought you were positive and optimistic and lovely. What’s this ‘lowered expectations’ stuff?”
I am positive and optimistic and absolutely adorable. I’m also a realist. Let me explain.
I’m writing this from an airport. (this is nothing new!) I am supposed to be flying through Atlanta, and they’re experiencing a massive snowstorm that is impacting … well… everything!
When my alarm went off at 5am this morning, I saw the first text. “We’re sorry, your flight has been delayed.” YAY! I get to sleep in a little!
As I was brushing my teeth before heading to the airport, I looked in the mirror and said, “Anne, today is going to be one of THOSE travel days! Letgo of your expectation of an easy, satisfying day. Expect delays. Expect cancellations. Expect that you might not get home until tomorrow. (or Sunday!) Let go of attachment to ease today, and go with the flow! Lower your expectations and this might not be terrible.”
Here’s my theory.
If I EXPECT to have delays and cancellations and unknowns as we attempt to get home, four things could happen.
- We have cancellations and delays and I don’t get home until tomorrow. I expected that, so meh, it’s not too bad.
- We have a few delays, and I get home a little late. I expected it to be worse, so I’m pretty happy actually.
- The delays from the initial text are the only ones, and everything goes smoothly from here….and I feel like I won the lottery and have a spectacular day!
- A magical Delta employee gives me a secret hand signal inviting me to enter a hidden door behind the desk and I’m magically transported to my home airport and…well…I win life.
If I expect everything to go smoothly, I’m pretty much guaranteed a frustrating, annoying, infuriating, exhausting experience.
Which would you prefer??
It’s not pessimism. If I am constantly EXPECTING bad things, that’s pessimism.
What I’m talking about is when reality is pointing to things not going exactly how you expect, loosening your grip on that one way you want the day to go, and preparing for possible alternatives (and not the alternatives that will necessarily make you happy!)
I do it with traffic. Instead of pounding on the steering wheel and expecting it to open up at any second so I can get back to driving fast, I put on an audiobook and settle into the traffic. Makes it a lot less awful.
Or when I’m in that meeting with that person that always interrupts me. Instead of expecting them not to interrupt me, I prepare for what I’m going to do when they do, and that meeting is a whole lot less terrible.
So next time you find yourself faced with life not panning out how you planned, lower your expectations, and it might not ruin your day!
Go get ’em Tiger!!
